Anytime Review

How’s my life going? Am I the kind of person I want to be? Doing what I’ve set out to do? How can I make life better?

Many of us wait for a milestone, like the beginning of a new year to ask these questions. Some of us begin to think in terms of a life review as we reach a certain age. Others wait for a crisis to heave us into contemplation.  The truth is that ANYTIME is a good time to take an honest look at what course we’ve taken. From there, we can decide if this is the route we intended to take or whether it’s a path that is beneficial or not, in light of our desires, skills, and values.

Doing an Anytime Review* has its advantages.

• ·         We can get our bearings.  (Where am I right now?)
• ·         We become aware and have the opportunity to make changes or shifts.  (What next?)
• ·         We validate what we’ve done and how far we’ve come. (I’m right on track. I’ve done a good job. Or:  I need to make some adjustments.)

In order to lend a structure to the Anytime Review, it helps to have a few guidelines and points to think about. The over-arching question is:  Where am I right now on my journey in life? Finish a few sentence beginnings in your head and jot the sentences down.  This helps narrow  the focus.

• ·         On my journey, I think . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am grateful . . .
• ·         On my journey, I regret . . .
• ·         On my journey, I feel proud . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am determined . . .
• ·         As I continue my journey, I need . . .

When working with the Anytime Review, I choose one or more of the finished sentences from above and write about them in my Journal. I set those aside for a day or so, then return with “new eyes” to read what I thought and wrote.  

This process has led me to forgive myself for actions I regretted from my younger days, something that I didn’t know still bothered me. From the Anytime Review, I’ve been able to express gratitude and visualize where I wanted to go next and what I needed to help me get there.

With life being so unpredictable, it helps to check up on ourselves in an honest, tangible way. We don’t have to wait for a milestone or a landmark occasion. We can do it anytime. How about now?

Wishing you a happy, healthful New Year on your journey.

~ xoA ~

*Adapted from Abe Arkoff. “The Illuminated Life.”

Stepping it up in 2014: No Name-Calling Week

This week, January 20-24, is No Name-Calling Week. Inspired by a popular young-adult novel by James Howe called The Misfits, this year marks the 10^th anniversary of one of the largest anti-bullying initiatives in the United States.  Howe’s book is a story of four junior high friends who encounter bullying head on. They prevail by gaining the principal’s support for instituting a “No Name-Calling Day” at their school.

GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network) first picked up on the idea and began providing publicity and even lessons for teacher use. Then Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing joined in, and now we have the No Name-Calling Week Coalition. Like Bobby Goodspeed, the main character in The Misfits says, “One person can have an idea, but for the idea to translate into action, a whole community has to get behind it.”

This year, I’ve been using The DayMaker to share ideas about how we might communicate with each other, the importance of choosing our words carefully and using the language of validation. No Name-Calling Week meshes perfectly with this theme.  

I’m encouraging all of us, in the words of James Howe, to instead of calling names, “Think. And if you can, don’t speak. Don’t say the names.” Maybe we can turn No Name-Calling Week into a month and then a year, and then…  Just imagine.

~ xoA ~

Stepping it up in 2014: Choosing our Words

“Warmth and goodwill extended to one person not only make that person happy, but spread the joy to others around, and the chain goes on.”  ~Author Unknown

If we can stop and think about what we say, we hold the potential to change the world, or at least OUR own world.  Replacing negative words with positive, loving words can make a huge difference in our relationships.  It can change the course of our lives as well as those of anyone with whom we come in contact.

Our words are powerful. They create a reaction in the people who hear them, whether the words are directed to them or merely witnessed by them. Genuine encouragement, appreciation, love, acceptance, and affirmation can mend and strengthen. Their opposites debilitate and crush. We can see another person blossom -- or crumple -- depending on the words she or he routinely hears.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours,” said Eric Idle, English comedian, author, and actor. Words create emotional responses that intensify an individual’s reaction. What may seem like a harmless comment to one person may have such emotion attached for the listener that it chips away at her self-confidence and self-esteem.

Then there are folks like one of the women in my writing club who consistently notices others’ talents and admirable qualities. Liberal with her “thank you’s” and genuine with her praise, she chooses words that validate, and when she speaks them about us and to us, we glow. Her words serve to encourage everyone within listening range.

Let’s make 2014 a year of being conscious about our word choices. Let’s use the power of positive words to build others up and to enhance our relationships and our world. 

Sticks and stones may break some bones, but appreciative, affirming words uplift and heal.

~ xoA ~

K is for Kenya

All my life, like anyone who has ever been to a zoo or seen a movie about Africa, I’ve had a fascination with the magnificent animals. Seeing them in their native habitat was a dream that became a reality in 2005 when Judy and I booked an African Safari to Kenya and Tanzania.

Except for the leopard, the rest of the “Big 5” -- lion, water buffalo, elephant, and rhino -- all showed up.  

Graceful zebras, impalas, and giraffes appeared on a regular basis. 

Our animal-spotting luck held as our knowledgeable guides put us in the exact spot to see the migration of the wildebeest.  

And, one day, we were up close and personal with a pride of lions. The animal life and scenes were every bit as wonderful as I’d anticipated, even more.

But, the most profound experience for me was being on African soil. I’d had no idea the effect it would have on me. 

Stepping off the plane in Nairobi, eager to negotiate through the airport to the baggage claim area, I noticed that the signs were in several languages, including English. That was a relief. Within a short distance, it struck me that everyone who worked in the airport was Black. The bag handlers, airline representatives, customs officers, everyone. I was surrounded by people who resembled me. This had never happened before. I took it all in. Then I noticed feeling an unexpected sense of overwhelming pride and belonging that brought me to tears.

As our days on safari continued, it became evident that many of the Africans with whom I had contact received me a little differently than they did the rest of the folks in our tour group. Workers seemed eager to chat with me.  “How are you liking everything?” several asked. Or, “Is this your first time in Africa?” One morning, a chef at the breakfast buffet set my made-to-order omelet on my plate, smiled and said, “It looks like you have been here before.”

And, indeed, I felt like I’d been there before. The surroundings, language, culture, and customs were different, but it sure felt like home.

~ xoA ~

Two Sides of Perfection

Perfection has a double imperative. We can strive to reach a goal or to make improvements: a recipe that we’ve developed, our health, our job skills, “a more perfect Union”. Or, we can choose to reject perfection, to be open to producing our best without limiting our focus or creativity.

Olympic athletes, with their eyes on the gold medal, practice diligently, relentlessly, to do a flawless dive, gymnastics routine, ski run, or start out of the blocks. In their minds’ eyes, athletes visualize the perfect paradigm. With work and determination, the athletes’ skills become more polished, heading toward perfection; expert judges spot it immediately. 

I like to see perfection in all things related to my medical care and financial services. Show me a perfect blood draw stick when it’s time for my lipid panel. Let my bank statements and my personal financial records be accurate to the penny. 

Often, reality falls short of our ideals. Look at the folks who spend their lives looking for the perfect mate, only to find disappointment as no one measures up to their vision. 

I’ve spent 40 years searching for the perfect Philly cheese steak sandwich. The one that tastes exactly like I remember from hurried lunch hours in Ann Arbor when I was a young traveling teacher. None has yet lived up to those that I ate and juggled while driving to my afternoon school. It’s a small disappointment but one consolation is that missing that sandwich has, no doubt, kept my cholesterol within a normal range and saved my arteries from clogging.

A few weeks ago at an Art for Healing writing session, which my friend and fellow writer Anke facilitated, I heard her say, “Deny perfection.” She was inviting us into the realm of enso poetry and continued, “Remain open to the journey.” 

"The Journey" (Taken at Yosemite)

Anke began to explain this Japanese form, but I was stuck on “deny perfection.” One glance at the faces in our circle of writers and the sounds of us shifting in our seats confirmed that I wasn’t the only apprehensive one. But with Anke’s guidance, we embraced the process. In her wisdom, our leader knew that surrendering the idea of perfection would invite images, words, thoughts, and feelings. She knew that pictures and poems would come forward because we’d opened the space for them.

"Openings" (Taken at Bryce Canyon)

 I think responding to both sides of perfection yields a balanced approach to life. Standards and ideals compel us to stretch and achieve. And, we need the freedom, happiness, and openness that letting go of perfection brings.  That way, we each maintain a balance, creating a life that is perfect for us. 

~ xoA ~