Gathering Personal Information

Photo courtesy of https://www.gsa.gov/

This is a companion to the previous blog, "The Do-it-Yourself Obituary." As mentioned in that post, this is an instrument for setting down a person's life information. I adapted it from the source cited below for use with my memoir writing classes, but have used it a number of times when helping friends write their or their loved ones' obituaries. Either way, whether writing your memoirs or family stories, or obituaries, my hope is that you'll find it useful.

Hugs,

~ xoA ~ 

Gathering Personal Information

Use these categories as a guide to gather information for writing your life stories or your life review. You can put the information on separate sheets of paper in a notebook or on 5x8 cards so you have space to add things as you think of them. I’ve also used this form when helping friends write obituaries.

Given name: first, middle, last; if you were named after someone, who? any story about how you got your name or who named you.

Birth: place, date, parents’ full names, including your mother’s maiden name; any unusual circumstances surrounding your birth, getting to the hospital; where delivered and by whom

Siblings: their names, birth dates, marriages, deaths, and names of children. Reminders of stories about your siblings (i.e. the time Susie kissed the hot pie; the time Jerry broke his arm)

Education: grade school, high school, college(s), other institutions or specialized training

Marriages, deaths, divorces: include dates, names, and places

Children: full names and nicknames, dates, where born, marriages and names of their spouses(s) and children. Reminders of stories about your children (i.e. Allie’s first bath; when we brought home the baby brother)

Work history and positions held: Make a timeline of all the places you worked

Military experience: what branch, rank, job, where served

Major geographic moves: List dates and places you lived over the years

Unusual experiences: your personal involvement in anything out of the ordinary, could be life-threatening or harrowing in some way (i.e. robbery victim, accident, caught in a hurricane) or could be something wonderful (i.e. winning a contest, appearing on a TV show)

Organizations you belonged to and positions held: clubs, service organizations, professional organizations

Religious affiliation, membership, activities, and organizations

Volunteer activities throughout life

Travel, special vacations

Awards, honors, professional accomplishments

Famous people in your life

Close friends: childhood, college/early work days, in organizations, later years

Life achievements: official and unofficial

Publications

Special skills, interests, hobbies

Foreign language skills

Main character traits: Take this one seriously, and do not be bashful. Think about the legacy you would like to leave behind. List your character traits and give examples

Life challenges: What did you have to overcome, and how did you do it? How you dealt with adversity can be a model for someone else.

Banners and bandwagons: What values did you hold high?

Political views

Add any other information you’d like to this list

            Favorite Sayings

Adapted from Katie Funk Wiebe in How to Write Your Personal or Family History, 2009.

The Do-it-Yourself Obituary

Shore Acres bloom

I’m revising my obituary. That’s right—revising my obituary. I wrote it several years ago after a friend died before she could get hers written. Now it’s time for an update. A lot has happened in those intervening years, and some of it I want noted when I’m gone. It’s also a gift I can give my family to relieve them of that burden during an emotional time.

And, you don’t have to wait until you’ve reached “geezer-hood” to do this. Start your obituary while you’re younger and feeling healthy. Then re-visit it every five years to update or revise the focus areas. Events that were of great importance in your 30s or 40s may fade from prominence by the time you’re in your 60s.

Why write your own obituary?

                                         

Well, for starters, no one knows you better than you. And you can decide to include—or leave out—whatever you want. Those important things like name of your high school, the subject you excelled in, the specialized job you did, your passions and hobbies throughout your life. You’re the one who best knows and remembers.

Your prewritten obituary relieves some of the stress for loved ones who are already upset. Your spouse, children, or life partner don’t have to go looking for information, make decisions, or sit down at this difficult time and try to compose an inclusive obituary that represents the life you’ve lived.

I’ve interviewed friends to help them write their obituaries. Merely gathering their information in one document led them on a life-review journey, causing them to recall and relive incidents and tell stories about their lives. Whether they wrote out the obituary themselves or not, everything their family needed was close at hand and accessible when the time came.

The interview questionnaire, “Gathering Personal Information,” is one I adapted when teaching memoir writing classes. It was originally developed for helping folks begin to set down information they could use when writing their life stories. I’ve found it works well for both purposes.

If you would like to see the information-gathering questionnaire I use, shortly after posting this one, I’ll be putting up a separate blog of the entire document.

This month I’ve lost two dear people: one, a beloved, long-time colleague and friend, and the other, a childhood best buddy since fourth grade. These kinds of losses bring our own mortality close to home and demand thought and introspection as well as consideration of those left behind. Plus, our families will be grateful we did it.

With hugs to you this Memorial Day,

~ xoA ~

Anytime Review

How’s my life going? Am I the kind of person I want to be? Doing what I’ve set out to do? How can I make life better?

Many of us wait for a milestone, like the beginning of a new year to ask these questions. Some of us begin to think in terms of a life review as we reach a certain age. Others wait for a crisis to heave us into contemplation.  The truth is that ANYTIME is a good time to take an honest look at what course we’ve taken. From there, we can decide if this is the route we intended to take or whether it’s a path that is beneficial or not, in light of our desires, skills, and values.

Doing an Anytime Review* has its advantages.

• ·         We can get our bearings.  (Where am I right now?)
• ·         We become aware and have the opportunity to make changes or shifts.  (What next?)
• ·         We validate what we’ve done and how far we’ve come. (I’m right on track. I’ve done a good job. Or:  I need to make some adjustments.)

In order to lend a structure to the Anytime Review, it helps to have a few guidelines and points to think about. The over-arching question is:  Where am I right now on my journey in life? Finish a few sentence beginnings in your head and jot the sentences down.  This helps narrow  the focus.

• ·         On my journey, I think . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am grateful . . .
• ·         On my journey, I regret . . .
• ·         On my journey, I feel proud . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am determined . . .
• ·         As I continue my journey, I need . . .

When working with the Anytime Review, I choose one or more of the finished sentences from above and write about them in my Journal. I set those aside for a day or so, then return with “new eyes” to read what I thought and wrote.  

This process has led me to forgive myself for actions I regretted from my younger days, something that I didn’t know still bothered me. From the Anytime Review, I’ve been able to express gratitude and visualize where I wanted to go next and what I needed to help me get there.

With life being so unpredictable, it helps to check up on ourselves in an honest, tangible way. We don’t have to wait for a milestone or a landmark occasion. We can do it anytime. How about now?

Wishing you a happy, healthful New Year on your journey.

~ xoA ~

*Adapted from Abe Arkoff. “The Illuminated Life.”