When There's a Connection

Photo from Public Domain

Sandy Hook, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas. These cities, obscure to some and popular to others, are now forever linked by the violence that has rained down on innocent people.

We grieve for the victims, feel for the survivors and families that are affected. We can hold them in our thoughts and prayers. But nothing –nothing – will ever be “normal” again. Not for them. Not for us.

For me, living in Bakersfield, a four-hour drive from Las Vegas, has meant spur-of-the-moment weekend trips or planned vacations with friends to take in some shows. One year we held our family reunion in Las Vegas. Its ease of getting there by plane from anywhere in the country figured in to the decision.

Living in Bakersfield, the city known as Nashville West, means our neighbors and friends were at last Sunday night’s concert in Las Vegas. We lost several. I, personally, didn’t know any of the folks whose names and photos have appeared in the local paper and on the news.

But, I’m connected through friends and acquaintances and by geography. To the 20-year old woman who loved country music. To the brave gentleman who shielded his wife from the gunfire and lost his life. To the Bakersfield police officer who was wounded. To the woman from Tehachapi who is recovering from surgery after being shot three times. To the several other Kern County residents who were wounded or killed. And to the young Bakersfield woman and her family who’d planned to stay until Monday but, on the spur of the moment, decided to leave Sunday. 

I feel for these folks and their families. I'm angry and saddened they've had to endure this trauma.

I’ve observed that change is most likely to occur when there is a personal connection to an issue, a person, or a problem. The rapid news cycle, television, social media, and travel connect us to events, people, and places and put them with us and within us forever. We are all connected.

The Las Vegas shooter’s amassing of the types and amount of weaponry we’ve seen went far beyond what the Founding Fathers meant when they instituted the 2^nd Amendment.  They could not have envisioned what’s taking place in our country today. I sure didn’t.

If you’ve been wondering what you can do to help stop the carnage, please consider contacting your Congress persons and making your voice heard. If “this is not the right time," I don’t know when the right time will be.

~ xoA ~

Keeping Connections

On this New Year’s Eve, I am reflective. I am grateful. I have my family, my health, my friends. I am comfortable and cared for, buoyed by the many connections I have with the people in my life. These are the folks who help stir the feelings of happiness, love, and completeness in my bones. They are my mainstays.

A favorite exercise I often present in self-care workshops is “Categories of Connectedness.” It’s an excellent vehicle for bringing forth the many ways and reasons we connect with others and for recognizing those for whom we are grateful.

The act of placing the names of important folks in our lives within the categories is illuminating as we see who fulfills certain roles for us. We have our confidants, intellectual stretchers, models, mentors, health watchers, “chicken soup” folks, and fun and adventure people. Some names appear in multiple categories. Some categories may be vacant -- for now.

• Confidants -- those whom we can tell anything in the world about us and trust our words will go nowhere
• Intellectual Stretchers -- those whose actions, words, and deeds propel us to think and grow
•  Models -- the folks about whom we say or think, “I want to be just like them.”
• Mentors -- the ones who take us under their wings, guide us or pave the way for us
•  Health watchers -- those who remind us to make our appointments for physicals or mammograms, provide us with healthy recipes and choices, or research the medications the doctor prescribed. They are also our workout buddies.
• “Chicken Soup” folks -- the ones who we turn to in time of crisis and know we will leave them feeling all the better.
•  Fun and Adventure souls -- those whom we count on for a laughs and excitement or new, enjoyable experiences

Who are the people you have in each category? If there are empty spots, your mission is to seek and watch and allow someone in to occupy that category.

On whose lists would your name appear? These are the folks who look to you to satisfy a much-needed role in their lives.

Each of these dear family members or friends is a reason for our being. We are gifts to each other and all in this together. Let us stay connected or reconnect in 2016 for a healthy, happy, gratitude-filled year. Make that call or write an email or a letter. Soon.

With love and gratitude for each of you and looking forward to a happy, healthy, uplifting new year,

~ xoA ~

20 Loves, Part 9: Face-to-Face Time

I love getting together for a chat with a friend over a cuppa coffee or tea. Time together without distractions lets me concentrate on the person I’m with and really hear his or her stories. We get to catch up on each others’ lives and continue cultivating our friendship.

 

Picking up from where we left off last time, it's as if it was only yesterday since we were together. News about family, travels, business ventures, health issues, and our latest projects take center stage. How are the grandchildren? How’s the new knee doing? What are you writing? We exchange ideas about world events and discuss future plans. Where’s your next trip?

We celebrate our blessings and console each other over the bad stuff. We ask for help. And, we figure out what we can do to give it. The time and the talk demonstrate our importance to each other.

Many of us lead busy, full lives. I’ve learned that touching base by phone or email, and finding an hour or so to get together, ensure that I can keep up with my peeps in person. Tending to friendships means making time for friends in our lives. When time together is a priority, the friendship becomes richer and deeper.

Though the staff at Starbucks or Camille’s or Panera Bread may begin to recognize me on sight, they shouldn't think it’s about my desire for coffee. It’s all about my love of connecting and having face-to-face time with friends. 

When have you had time with a friend?

 ~ xoA ~

 

Brief Encounters

Atop Schilthorn

Our recent trip to Switzerland brought us many new contacts that, though brief, enhanced our travel experience, taught us new things, and reminded us that we are citizens of the world.

Soon after we arrived in the Alpine resort of Murren, two other women from the U.S. showed up at Chalet Fontana, where we were booked for three nights. Teri from Minnesota and Trudy from Iowa were old college friends who were spending a week in Switzerland. We struck up a conversation that led to a snowy hike down to Gimmelwald and lunch together. Eager to learn what we’d seen and done in the area, we visited over drinks and dinner on the second evening. 

Dinner at a nearby hotel with Teri and Trudy

Getting tips and recommendations is a fascinating benefit when there’s an opportunity for chatting with fellow travelers. An Aussie couple from Sidney had also booked at Chalet Fontana. He had graduated from University of Sidney, and she had her student teaching to complete. They gave us information about LateRooms.com, and we would use it later in our trip when we booked lodging in Montreux.

Alex, a young man on the train from Interlaken Ost to Lauterbrunnen, introduced us to Trammelbach Falle. He asked if we knew of it and how long it would take to walk to it from the train station. We didn’t, but later that day our guest house owner told us about it and gave us a discount coupon for this marvelous natural attraction.

Denise, the English woman who owns Chalet Fontana came to Murren to work at a ski resort. She hadn’t planned on staying, but that was 30 years ago. For a number of years, she’s run her own guest house, providing an ideal setting for comfort and connection. She had a wealth of information about the area and hiking trails, and it was fun to get to know her at breakfast time.

Coming down from Schilthorn on the cable car, Judy struck up a conversation with a woman who was on a family trip. We learned that she and her husband had been farmers who moved to Toronto when they could not afford to expand their land holdings in Switzerland. They come back regularly to visit family. We could really appreciate her first-hand account of their farming days since we’d hiked among the valley pastures and cows the day before on our way to Trammelbach Falle.

Lauterbrunnen Valley from the mountain at Trammelbach

We met Rosemarie at our guesthouse/hostel in Vevey. For a couple of nights she fascinated us as we observed her in the common room, laughing and interacting with television programs. On the third night, we sat together at a large table and began to visit, sharing our experiences in the region. She, too, loved to hike and was fascinated by the surrounding vineyards and castles. 

Rosemarie from Germany

Rosemarie was vacationing alone, having traveled by train from her home in Germany. A retired nurse, she found that she could spend much less for lodging by staying in hostels and could then afford to travel to interesting places for longer periods of time. Another thing we had in common with her. The morning we were all ready to check out, we visited over breakfast before she headed for home (a nine-hour train trip) and we just moved to the next town on Lake Geneva.

Though brief, these encounters gave us a glimpse into people’s lives and cultures, created connections, and enhanced our travels. And for that, we are grateful.

~ xoA ~

A touching matter

 

“Reach out and touch someone” an old slogan from the telephone company urged.

I am compelled to touch people. All my life, I have believed in the power of the human touch to heal, to soothe, to communicate. So, it’s a natural thing with me, just part of my being. I may put my hand on your shoulder, your arm, or your back. I may even hold your hand while we talk. If we sit together long enough, I may even rub your shoulders or back.

I think one can never have too many hugs. But, realizing that everyone is not a hugger like I am, these days, I do ask permission before hugging folks I’ve just met. 

Recently, I was shopping in a WinCo grocery store in Medford, Oregon, when I received a stranger’s  touch. Standing in the bulk foods section, an elderly gentleman took up the space between me and the bin of lentils. I noticed his dark suit jacket and his black newsboy cap, like the style my dad often wore. As I watched, the man reached into the bin, extracted one lentil, and popped it into his mouth. He made a face as he tried to chew this pebble.

“Hard as a rock,” I said.

“Interesting,” he replied.

I could tell from his expression and tentativeness he was new to the world of these tiny legumes. So I told him how I use them to make a lentil stew and that I make it vegetarian or with meat. 

The man looked me in the eye and touched my bare forearm. He kept his warm, smooth hand there while he said, “Thank you. I have to change to a vegan diet and learn about these things. You’re helping me.”

I was glad to help. But, what struck me most was his touch and how that simple act brought the two of us together, bumping up the level of this brief encounter.  Instead of two strangers passing in a grocery store aisle, we were now connected. 

Sometimes we are reluctant to engage people whom we don’t know, let alone touch them. But touching is a natural human response and need that brings warmth to both parties. It says, “you matter.”

Hugs and back rubs to you all.   ~ xoA