Doubling Down on Gratitude

Gratitude is the acknowledgement of one’s appreciation and thankfulness. Some of us have a regular gratitude practice that brings more positivity and happiness into our lives. We may write a daily gratitude list or a weekly journal entry. Or we may stop for a moment throughout the day and notice things that we’re grateful for.

Many of us had parents who taught us to write notes of thanks for gifts we received at birthdays or Christmas. Thank you letters and notes are an additional way to express gratitude. They bring forth thankfulness in both the writer and the recipient. The letters are like a gratitude journal in that recalling and writing what we appreciate, what we’re grateful for, brings us more happiness.

Health Harvard quotes research published in the September 2018 issue of Psychological Science: “writing thank-you notes is not just good manners. It can have a strong psychological effect for both the sender and receiver.”

According to researchers, people often feel gratitude but dismiss writing thank-you notes because they underestimate the pleasure the recipient derives from the note. Maybe if folks realized the happiness a note of thanks brings the receiver, they’d be more apt to take the time to write and send one.

The thank you note can be for a specific gift or good deed. But it is extremely powerful as an “out-of-the-blue” letter to someone in appreciation of them in your life. Often, we don’t realize the positive impact we have on others’ lives. Seeing that we’ve made a difference to someone is life-affirming and gratifying.

A few years ago, I received a series of text messages that included photos of my teacherly penmanship alongside juvenile handwriting. A former student had found and reread her 8th grade journal and was writing to thank me for my comments about the life situation she experienced then. Of course, I had long forgotten those entries and responses, but I was overjoyed knowing my words had made a difference for her. Her kindness in letting me know remains large in my heart.

The University of New Hampshire extension lists ten reasons why it’s important to write thank you notes. I especially appreciate these two: 1) It will make someone's day! Having a handwritten letter amongst a pile of bills and junk mail is heartwarming. 2) It is an opportunity to reflect on our gratitude and appreciate the time and energy someone put in to do something nice on our behalf.

An informative and helpful article regarding gratitude, messages, and lists appears on Positive Psychology’s website. It contains many ways to practice gratitude, alone and in group settings, and offers suggestions of how to write letters of gratitude and thank you cards.

Writing a thank you letter or email that expresses your appreciation of another person makes you happier while nurturing your relationship with that person. It’s a “two-fer!” Consider sending one gratitude letter per month to someone you appreciate. And occasionally, how about writing one to yourself.

©2021 Annis Cassells. All rights reserved. This article first appeared in Coos Bay's Downtown Health & Fitness newsletter.

Photo Credit: Kushagra Kevat

Things aren't always what they seem. Except...

Judy and I were out for a walk to our neighborhood Starbucks at a shopping area where there’s rebuilding following a fire three years ago. An empty lot, once the gardening area of a great hardware store, stands across the walkway from the new building.

We observed a truck backed into that empty lot, the driver’s door left hanging open, and a man with a spray can in hand, spraying something on a narrow block wall. We could see the graffiti, a couple of large pink areas outlined in black and some black writing in the upper right-hand corner. Was the man adding the finishing touches? I said, “Look! That guy’s tagging in there!”

Whipping out our cell phones, we took pictures of the perp. Judy moved to a different angle to get a photo of the license plate on the front of the truck. Hmmm. No license plate and nothing on the truck to identify it or the trailer attached to it. The whole time, the man kept at it.

Once we had our coffees in hand and rounded the back side of the complex, we saw some of the construction workers and met the job boss for the rebuilding project. We told him what we’d observed, and he said he’d let the building manager know.

Satisfied we’d done our neighborly duty, we continued on our way past the empty lot. To our surprise, the man was still there! But now he wielded a different tool, some kind of long piece that he used to spray the wall. We moved to get a better look and discovered the graffiti was gone. The wall was restored to like-new! The man wasn’t tagging. He was un-tagging!

While I returned to the job boss to say we had been in error, Judy stepped over to speak with the man. He told her he was a “graffiti exterminator.” He was preparing the surfaces for repainting.

Things are not always what they seem.

But about that rioting at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, insurrection was precisely what we saw—no matter how many politicians say it was a “normal tourist day.” We watched in horror with our own eyes, felt it in our guts, gasped with every blow thrown. We know better. We witnessed. It was exactly as it seemed.

~ xoA ~

Photos from Getty Images

Women's History is World History

In the history of the world, where would we be without women?

We've brought everyone here who ever came into the world. Carried them in our bellies, in our arms, and on our backs. Throughout history, we've worked to feed and clothe and protect them. Women have been the glue that has kept the world together and the starch that gives it backbone.

So this Women's History Month, celebrating women's accomplishments is fine, but a whole lot more celebrating and acknowledgement could be happening--throughout the year.

We do see abundant appreciation of women's, especially mothers', influence and sacrifices when their youngster makes good and is successful. And I'm sure many of us show gratitude, outside of the public eye, for those women who came before us.

In honor of the women who created the history of my life and set me on my path, I'm sharing a poem of gratitude and commitment.

The Gift

My grandmothers' shoulders were broad
Cream-colored, sepia, walnut, and black
Sometimes ridges, like the edges
of the furrows they tilled,
Ribboned their backs and shoulders
They supported the known world
like Atlas held up the heavens
they stood proud and strong

On the broad shoulders of these wide-hipped women
my grandmothers and their grandmothers,
On their convictions
Their work
their dreams
I stood

Now I'm one of the grandmothers
It's my turn to support the tribe
be here
strong, balanced, braced
so on my shoulders
others can stand

We, the women, all of us, are the history makers every single day.

~ xoA ~



"The Gift" appears in my poetry collection, You Can't Have It All

The Book of Longings

The Book of Longings This month two of my book clubs read and discussed Sue Monk Kidd’s latest historical fiction novel, The Book of Longings, the imagined story of Ana, a scribe who became the wife of Jesus. Here’s an excerpt from the beginning of the book: I am Ana. I was the wife of Jesus ben Joseph of Nazareth. I called him Beloved and he, laughing, called me Little Thunder. He said he heard rumblings inside me while I slept, a sound like thunder from far over the Nahal Zippori valley or even farther beyond the Jordan. I don’t doubt he heard something. All my life, longings lived inside me, rising up like nocturnes to wail and sing through the night. That my husband bent his heart to mine on our thin straw mat and listened was the kindness I most loved in him. What he heard was my life begging to be born. Ana, the only daughter in a wealthy family has been allowed to learn to read and write. Bold and rebellious, she aspires to do and be more than the conventional women of her times, where women are often ignored, enslaved, or silenced. She writes women’s stories so they are not forgotten, in hopes her words will live on after she’s gone. A constant in Ana’s life is her Aunt Yaltha, a companion and protector who encourages and sustains her. In her first encounters with Jesus, he shows her great kindness and even saves her from a terrible fate. She falls in love with him, and he with her. They marry, each knowing the other longs to do extraordinary things and follow the calling of their perceived purpose, their deepest longing. Kidd is a magnificent writer who diligently researched the era. With her skillful use of language and timely settings and events, I felt transported to the 1st Century. She takes us on a journey of adventures and brushes with societal and political issues as well as the horrors Ana must face and navigate in this time of turmoil during Israel’s occupation by Rome. One of the takeaways for me from the book is that we all have longings and desires—as did each character in Kidd’s book. Sometimes these emerge in our childhood or youth. For others, it may take some living, experiences, and introspection before our deep longings, or as my niece Juli Greenwald calls it, our heartfelt desires, becomes clear. When they do, though, I think it’s important to ask ourselves whether we’re on a course to satisfy those longings. We may also discover our desire has shifted with time. We do have the opportunity to change our actions and approaches to fulfillment, a chance to create something new, no matter our age or position. I think about my longings at different stages of my life. When I was younger, a girl growing up in Detroit in the 1950s, I had a great desire to travel the world. That yearning continued over the years and is still with me. It pleases me to know I have accomplished this and hope to continue when we’re able to travel again. In my adult years, I realized my longing, my calling, is to encourage and to connect people and ideas. Teaching, coaching, and writing have been the vehicles to fulfill this desire. And I am grateful for all the experiences that have allowed me to do this. If we had our own Book of Longings, what might you inscribe on your page? If you do read, or have already read, Sue Monk Kidd’s The Book of Longings, I’d love for you to share your takeaways and opinions. ~ xoA ~

Reblog: The history of Man by Barbara Lindsay

I'm reading a thoughtful book by the wonderful American historian Heather Cox Richardson titled How the South Won the Civil War. This book takes a look at the history of this country starting with its founding. I'm finding it a challenging read, not because it isn't clearly written, but because back in those days, it was the Republicans who were against slavery (they were the good guys) and Democrats who wanted to perpetuate that institution (the bad guys). I have to keep transposing in my mind who the parties were then with who (whom?) they have become today, when it is Democrats who want to create, for example, affordable health care for all (the good guys) and Republicans who made almost 70 attempts to curb, repeal, and/or modify that plan without offering a better one of their own (the bad guys). It is Democrats who elected the first Black President (the good guys) and Republicans who elected Trump (the bad guys). It is also a challenging book because of how clearly, how glaringly it brings into focus that this country was founded on a broken promise. The Declaration of Independence states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal..." What isn't stated but is a true founding principle of the United States is "And we do mean men. And by that we mean white men. Specifically white men with property. Basically men like us. And no women. Definitely no women." I understand that a lot of countries have been founded on less than ethical terms, through violence or confiscation or the notion of the Divine Right of the few, etc. But in this country, we have this document shouting out our moral superiority and our commitment to equality. And, sadly, the promise of that document wasn't even being kept by those who wrote it, who saw Negroes as only partially men, Native Americans as dispensable savages, and women as baby makers who help men in their pursuit of happiness. We are paying now for the rot at the core of our national birth. We have always been paying for it. Some, of course, pay a higher price than others, but all of us pay as our hypocrisies and cruelties continue to catch up with us. I can't speak to earlier ages except from what I learn from books, but I know about this present time that violence has been encouraged from the highest levels of government and so is blossoming. Too few people have too much, and too many have too little. And those who have will do what they can to keep and increase what they have. For some, no amount of wealth is enough, and damn those who have nothing. Another part of why this is such a sad truth is that it has always been so, from the beginning of time. Those who have power and stuff do what they can, what they must, to hold onto what they have, using violence, twisting laws, breaking promises, organizing armies. It seems to be in the very nature of humankind. Or is it just the nature of mankind? What kind of world might this be if women had had, or been given, equal power, equal say all along? Ah, but if women had power given to them, that power could also be taken away, and to take it for ourselves would probably mean becoming more like the men who take and take and take in any way they feel they need to. I don't know. I guess the only resting place, for me at least, is to acknowledge that the world is as it is, people are as they are, and my job is to do whatever good I can, to be kind, be honest, be aware of others. I suppose that's the only way there can be any sort of balance among people and peoples. Good people must be good, even if we will never be powerful. I don't hold out much hope that my attempts at goodness will solve a single one of the world's problems, nor even my neighborhood's problems, but still, it's what I can do, it's what I have to offer, it's the only way I will be able to live peaceably with myself. Still, can we all just get along? Musings from Granny Owl

Have You Had ENOUGH Yet?

 

Cover photo by Dwight White

I’m asking about the compelling social justice anthology seven other poets and I collaborated to create, ENOUGH “Say Their Names” Messages from Ground Zero to the WORLD. Have you had a chance to read it yourself or to attend one of our reading events?

In early June of 2020, we began writing poems and prose inspired by photography from the Black Lives Matter protests from across the United States. Guided by poet, leadership coach, and photographer  Ronald Montgomery, 147 days later we had a stunning book full of color photographs and consciousness-raising works.

Since then, many of you have attended readings, purchased the book, shared it with family and friends,  and supported us with your positive comments. You have our undying appreciation.

Last week, in honor of Black History Month, we held a well-attended reading, sponsored by my daughter Asila Calhoun of Calhoun Coaching & Consulting. Each of the eight poets presented several poems, followed by group discussion and interaction with attendees. It was just the kind of program we’d envisioned—one which created opportunities for dialog and sharing and prompted the opportunity to look deeper into the social issues facing our country. The session was recorded and can be seen on YouTube.

It occurred to me that lots of folks may not have heard about ENOUGH yet. That’s one reason for this post. So please take a few moments to visit our website, Enough Say Their Names, where we’ve recently added audio samples. Then give yourself the time to watch the recording of our February 24^th Black History Month reading.

Endorsed by Nikki Giovanni, winner of the 2008 American Book Award and seven-time winner of the NAACP Image Award, she writes, “As much as this may make you angry or, in reality, hurt your heart. As much as you may wish your fellow and sister Americans were better people but recognizing they are not. As much as you ask the Lord to forgive you for your hate, this is a book you should read. You will not get ENOUGH of the truth.”

If you or your organization are committed to furthering social justice and would like to book a reading, please contact me by email or on my website at Connections & Conversations.

~ xoA ~

 

About Black History Month

New names, new faces, and new knowledge pop up on our television screens and Facebook and Twitter feeds each February. It’s Black History Month. These 28 days, we can subscribe to receive daily emails and listen to podcasts that inform us about people and events we’ve never heard of before. It’s a time of discovery. That’s both the beauty and the pity.

Black History is American History. The pity is we should have heard and learned about this stuff before. In school, in books, and in movies. It could have been passed down from our parents and grandparents—had they learned it.

 Honoring and celebrating one’s heritage is exciting and uplifting. When Dr. Carter G. Woodson and a few of his associates began Negro History Week in 1926, their intention was to bring the history as a way of instilling pride, as well as knowledge, in the Black population, particularly school children, by telling the stories of the heroes in their ancestry. Woodson also felt we needed to focus on the countless black men and women who had helped elevate civilization.

Woodson advocated for study throughout the year, with the week in February being the culmination. He saw it as a celebration showcasing what folks had learned all year. Negro History Week became popular in some southern states, so Woodson and his associates went about making it happen. They set a theme* for the annual commemoration, and provided study materials—pictures, lessons for teachers, plays for historical performances, and posters of important dates and people.

As early as the 1940s, Blacks in West Virginia expanded to celebrating the entire month of February.   Beginning in Chicago in the 1960s, month-long celebrations began to spring up. Later in the decade, as young blacks on college campuses came to recognize our links to Africa, Black History Month began to quickly replace Negro History Week. Every American president since 1976, from both parties, has issued proclamations endorsing Black History Month’s theme. (That’s correct. I checked on the last guy who held the office.)

The beauty is today we have access to an abundance of information and myriad ways of disseminating it. Everyone can study and be exposed to the history in lessons, photos, graphics, and by video and audio. This means anyplace that depicts American History can weave in Black Americans and the roles they played. 

Each day, we wake and walk in history. When the stories of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color are meshed with those of Whites, everyone will be seen for their contributions to this nation’s story. All people will be in the picture, rightfully visible, celebrated and accountable for the United States’ successes and failures and status quos. That’s when we will truly have diversity, equity, and inclusion— a condition that enriches us all and a United States that can only be deemed “a more perfect union.” 

Photo by Rom Matibag on Unsplash

~ xoA ~                                     

*The 2021 theme is “The Black Family: Representation, Identity, and Diversity”. Future and past themes can be seen at https://asalh.org/black-history-themes/

Photo by Larry Crayton on Unsplash

It’s the Month of Self-Love: National Self-Check Month

Photo from Self Chec.org

Among other national celebrations like Black History Month, Great American Pies Month and National Library Lover’s Month, February is also National Self-Check Month. Turns out, there’s a whole yearly calendar of “National” months, weeks, and days! Who comes up with these?

I don’t know about you, but a month around self-care sounds really good to me. It’s a continuation of the theme I’ve been touting for most of 2020 and into this year. So I am onboard! (And if you know me, you know I’m also about those other months I mentioned, too.)

Sometimes we shy away from getting a wellness check-up at our doctor’s or doing our own self-check. We may put these off because we’re too busy, we forget about it, or we are afraid of what we might learn. We don’t want to hear what the doctor has to say about our condition, or we don’t want to be made to feel guilty about what we’re doing or not doing. And, of course, 2020 was a different kind of year.

About self-checks, we may have some of the same issues as with our doctor, but with our own inner critic being the voice that chastises us. And we don’t want to hear that nagging in our heads. Or we may not be sure exactly how the self-check should be administered and we don’t want to do it “wrong.” But we can't let that deter us from being vigilant and taking our own health in our hands, as many of us have had to do this past year.

Self-checks are empowering. You are taking charge of your health and being proactive, as self-checks are frequently a factor in early detection and have been known to catch problems before they become too serious. This often results in less drastic treatments. Early detection has also been known to save lives.

So you’re already  proactive about your health? But maybe you have friends or family members who are reactive and have suffered dire health issues or only see their doctor when they’re sick. You observing National Self-Check Month can perhaps provide the opportunity for discussions around the topic of health and encourage those folks to do a better job of taking care of themselves.

Help is just a click away at Self Chec, an online organization whose goal is “Help to change the U.S. from a country that emphasizes sickness care over wellness care by stressing the importance of early detection and wellness, so people don’t get sick in the first place. “

At the Self Chec website you can access a variety of free self-empowering tools and resources to help guide you through healthcare-related fears and concerns, prepare questions for doctor visits and see how to perform self-checks. The site also features real people with their stories of how their health and lives have improved because they paid attention to the knowledge and practices presented.

Why not ramp up your self-care  with proactive self-checks. You may save yourself and your loved ones a lot of worry. 

What self-care actions are you actively practicing right now? We want you around for a good long while.

 ~ xoA ~

A version of this post first appeared in the Downtown Health & Fitness newsletter for February 2021.

We Are In Love

Amanda Gorman, with her eloquence, assurance, freshness—and her words—captured our hearts. And now, we’re in love. The whole nation, and I dare say, those watching the Inauguration of our 46^th President, Joe Biden and Vice President, Kamala Harris from around the globe are utterly smitten with this young poet.

At our house, it was all eyes and ears intent on her face and her message. Our backs inched forward, tears flowed, and hope filled our hearts. This National Youth Poet Laureate reminded us of who we say we are. She shined a light on who we’ve shown ourselves to be and declared who we need to strive to be.

To youngsters who may have had no interest in poetry or writing poems, she demonstrated the power of the pen and mastery in delivering one’s words with such clarity and force. For we oldsters, Amanda’s skillful, impassioned recitation renewed our faith that young Americans can and will prevail.

In that five-minute recitation, Amanda Gorman galvanized the country and thrust poetry into the limelight. We’re ready to show her we ARE “brave enough to see the light/brave enough to BE the light.”

~ xoA ~

PS: To experience more of the sunshine of Amanda, see her recite her poem “The Miracle of Morning”. Thanks to my friend Millie McCoo for sharing this with me.

 Photo: Patrick Semansky/Associated Press

The 2021 MLK National Day of Service

"Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope." Martin Luther King, Jr.

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s national birthday holiday, for 26 years Americans have stepped up for the MLK National Day of Service, “a day on, not a day off.” Celebrated the third Monday in January, this is the day many citizens make time to volunteer to strengthen their communities through service.

 

For some, this is a continuation of the commitment they have to improving the lives of fellow Americans. They may have spent the year mentoring a young person, delivering meals to the elderly, or taking responsibility for cleaning up a public space.

 

Making time to volunteer for the 2021 MLK Day of Service is a great way to engage with your community while honoring the legacy of Dr. King. Volunteer service is a powerful tool that builds strong communities and it is needed now more than ever. Whatever you do, no matter how small, will make a great difference to someone in need.

 

It was my honor to take part in a celebration of Dr. King and his legacy, hosted by Frances Klippel, that will air over KXCR 90.7 radio in Florence, Oregon on January 18^th at 4pm PST. The program highlights the service of individuals and community outreach organizations that help people in crisis—homeless and transitional students, families, and adults and victims of sexual or elder abuse and other hardships. Songs and writings by high school students and renditions of poetry relevant to Martin Luther King, Jr.’s messages, the necessity of equality, social justice, and lifting people from poverty, round out the program.

 

COVID-19 has had an impact on all of our lives, but there are still many ways to serve, it may just look a little different. Throughout the pandemic, we’ve witnessed people’s creativity and ingenuity as they came up with ways to get through the months of quarantine. That energy can be used to help fill a need in your community. How can you get out there (or even stay inside!) and serve?

 

~ xoA ~ 

Photo by Judy McDole