It’s the Month of Self-Love: National Self-Check Month

Photo from Self Chec.org

Among other national celebrations like Black History Month, Great American Pies Month and National Library Lover’s Month, February is also National Self-Check Month. Turns out, there’s a whole yearly calendar of “National” months, weeks, and days! Who comes up with these?

I don’t know about you, but a month around self-care sounds really good to me. It’s a continuation of the theme I’ve been touting for most of 2020 and into this year. So I am onboard! (And if you know me, you know I’m also about those other months I mentioned, too.)

Sometimes we shy away from getting a wellness check-up at our doctor’s or doing our own self-check. We may put these off because we’re too busy, we forget about it, or we are afraid of what we might learn. We don’t want to hear what the doctor has to say about our condition, or we don’t want to be made to feel guilty about what we’re doing or not doing. And, of course, 2020 was a different kind of year.

About self-checks, we may have some of the same issues as with our doctor, but with our own inner critic being the voice that chastises us. And we don’t want to hear that nagging in our heads. Or we may not be sure exactly how the self-check should be administered and we don’t want to do it “wrong.” But we can't let that deter us from being vigilant and taking our own health in our hands, as many of us have had to do this past year.

Self-checks are empowering. You are taking charge of your health and being proactive, as self-checks are frequently a factor in early detection and have been known to catch problems before they become too serious. This often results in less drastic treatments. Early detection has also been known to save lives.

So you’re already  proactive about your health? But maybe you have friends or family members who are reactive and have suffered dire health issues or only see their doctor when they’re sick. You observing National Self-Check Month can perhaps provide the opportunity for discussions around the topic of health and encourage those folks to do a better job of taking care of themselves.

Help is just a click away at Self Chec, an online organization whose goal is “Help to change the U.S. from a country that emphasizes sickness care over wellness care by stressing the importance of early detection and wellness, so people don’t get sick in the first place. “

At the Self Chec website you can access a variety of free self-empowering tools and resources to help guide you through healthcare-related fears and concerns, prepare questions for doctor visits and see how to perform self-checks. The site also features real people with their stories of how their health and lives have improved because they paid attention to the knowledge and practices presented.

Why not ramp up your self-care  with proactive self-checks. You may save yourself and your loved ones a lot of worry. 

What self-care actions are you actively practicing right now? We want you around for a good long while.

 ~ xoA ~

A version of this post first appeared in the Downtown Health & Fitness newsletter for February 2021.

Aftermath

Hi. My name is Annis, and I’m a hope-and-positivity-aholic. But I won’t lie. These last ten days have thrown me down. Down is foreign to me, as foreign as a speck in my eye, as foreign as Greek road signs. Down is heavier than a lead suit.

I gave myself a day to wallow. I sobbed in disbelief and sorrow. And I took the defeat personally. While out for a walk, I scanned the faces of approaching hikers, wondering whether they had voted against “me.”

My daughters phoned. They happened to be together in D.C. that week. “We just wanted to see our mama,” one said.  Then, the three of us sat on Face Time, shaking our heads, moaning our disappointment, trying to fathom what had just happened.

On Day Two I started doing the things that usually get me through a crisis. I talked to Judy about my feelings and fears, spoke with like-minded friends, and wrote in my journal. I walked, meditated, saw an inspiring movie, surrendered to the power of poetry. My coping mechanisms started to work. The gloom began to lift – but, as my mom, Ms. Ruthie, would say, as “slow as molasses in January.”

Donnel posted a poem by David Whyte on Facebook, “Despair”. A couple of safe Facebook groups, in which people wrote of their fears and feelings, shared their stories, and propped each other up with encouragement and validation, sustained me.

New friends from the summer writing workshop, Glint of Light, began to share poetry. Zia, one of our Canadian friends reached out first with a poem by John O’Donohue, which she offered as a blessing. Its beautiful ending, “May your soul calm, console, and renew you.” And soon more of the group wrote, sharing the poems of Neruda and Piercy, and telling of their own feelings. Each post became a soothing balm for my heart.

Time with my local writing groups, my buddies, buoyed me up with their words and friendship -- and a bit of wine and cheese and homemade cookies.

And finally, I am able to write without ranting. Ten days. Ten days passed before I could sit down and be that hope-and-positivity-aholic again. I sure missed that woman!

As horrible as these past days have been, I see actions that send me back to HAPA-land. People are talking. Conversations about the government, the political system, and the fact we have become complacent and lazy, leaving the heavy lifting to others. Groups are mobilizing to create change, long-needed change, at the local and state levels. Our attention has been grabbed. School boards, city councils, state and US congressional representatives will hear our words.

Folks are saying, “I will be bolder. I will stand up for other people. I will be a safe person for anyone who is harassed or afraid or needs a safe harbor.”

A small and commonplace thing, the safety pin, has taken on new meaning, has become a symbol of solidarity, love, sanctuary. A middle school teacher reported one of her students asked about the safety pin she wore. “It shows I‘m a safe person and here to help anyone who needs it.”

Her explanation opened the door for him to tell her he was hungry, his parents hadn’t filled out the necessary reduced lunch application, and he had no money. Now, this teacher began to understand him. She had an idea why her student was behind in his work, didn’t complete assignments. She bought his lunch. Within days, he appeared with the forms.

Clearly, the safety pin is not merely – as someone in the blogosphere wrote – “a way for White people to make themselves feel better.” It’s a signal of solidarity, compassion, and love for others.  It’s a small thing that can have an impact.

Standing strong and together, we can make it through these frightening times, through inevitable upheaval and chaos. Let our enthusiasm reign, our voices be heard, and our good intentions transform into actions that support and uphold each other. Commitment. Conversation. Hope. Positivity.  

                                           ~ xoA ~

The Gem Amidst the Junk

Feng Shui and clear-the-clutter books warn against reading while purging. The 18-year old grad school psych note I wrote about de-cluttering resurfaces every now and then. Number two on the list: “Keep going. Don’t stop to READ the papers.” But, that 3x5 card was stuck in another drawer that I needed to empty.

So, I did it. I stopped to read handfuls of torn scraps of paper, saved birthday greetings, faded notes on the backs of business cards, and glossy guarantees for luggage bought long ago.

That’s when I re-discovered a Chinese proverb I’d scribbled onto the back of a list of questions to ask my doctor at the next appointment. The proverb must have struck me when I wrote it down, probably a dozen years ago. Its message strikes me again today.

That the birds of worry and care

Fly about your head,

This you cannot change.

But that they build

Nests in your hair,

This you can prevent.

For sure, there is plenty to worry about in this life: our children (no matter their age); the drought, floods, earthquakes; what’s for dinner; our knees and whether we can keep putting knee replacement surgery off; our friends moving away to be near their grandkids; making it through airport security without a hassle; whether the car will last another year. The list is interminable.

So, the Chinese proverb is right. The worrisome stuff will show up. But we don’t have to let it consume or paralyze us. Especially if it’s something we cannot control. Let it come in, give it a little time, and let it fly away.

Let’s say “no” to over-worrying and say “yes” to ourselves. Allow issues to float away so we can experience the joy and positivity the world has to offer. So we can return to doing some of the things we love to do. We can’t let worries use up today.

What worry might you let go?

~ xoA ~

Image from thinkstockphoto.co.uk

Anytime Review

How’s my life going? Am I the kind of person I want to be? Doing what I’ve set out to do? How can I make life better?

Many of us wait for a milestone, like the beginning of a new year to ask these questions. Some of us begin to think in terms of a life review as we reach a certain age. Others wait for a crisis to heave us into contemplation.  The truth is that ANYTIME is a good time to take an honest look at what course we’ve taken. From there, we can decide if this is the route we intended to take or whether it’s a path that is beneficial or not, in light of our desires, skills, and values.

Doing an Anytime Review* has its advantages.

• ·         We can get our bearings.  (Where am I right now?)
• ·         We become aware and have the opportunity to make changes or shifts.  (What next?)
• ·         We validate what we’ve done and how far we’ve come. (I’m right on track. I’ve done a good job. Or:  I need to make some adjustments.)

In order to lend a structure to the Anytime Review, it helps to have a few guidelines and points to think about. The over-arching question is:  Where am I right now on my journey in life? Finish a few sentence beginnings in your head and jot the sentences down.  This helps narrow  the focus.

• ·         On my journey, I think . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am grateful . . .
• ·         On my journey, I regret . . .
• ·         On my journey, I feel proud . . .
• ·         On my journey, I am determined . . .
• ·         As I continue my journey, I need . . .

When working with the Anytime Review, I choose one or more of the finished sentences from above and write about them in my Journal. I set those aside for a day or so, then return with “new eyes” to read what I thought and wrote.  

This process has led me to forgive myself for actions I regretted from my younger days, something that I didn’t know still bothered me. From the Anytime Review, I’ve been able to express gratitude and visualize where I wanted to go next and what I needed to help me get there.

With life being so unpredictable, it helps to check up on ourselves in an honest, tangible way. We don’t have to wait for a milestone or a landmark occasion. We can do it anytime. How about now?

Wishing you a happy, healthful New Year on your journey.

~ xoA ~

*Adapted from Abe Arkoff. “The Illuminated Life.”

Stepping it Up in 2014: Survival

Everyone is genetically programmed with five basic needs. Choice Theory explains these needs -- survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun -- and attempting to get them met, motivate all our behaviors and affect our relationships.

Brand new babies are born with survival methods. They cry and suck. When they cry, someone, usually their mothers, takes care of them. Besides getting comfort and nourishment, a strong bond grows between babies and their mothers. Children soon acquire additional techniques for getting their needs met.

Intensity of needs varies from person to person and can be characterized by numbers on a scale of 1-5, five being highest. Over the years, my need for survival has changed. I’ve fluctuated between 3 and 4, depending on my life stage and what became important to me. When I began riding my motorcycle, I’m sure friends and family thought I hovered at one. I figured a 4 since I took a motorcycle safety class, always wore protective gear, kept my motorcycle in top repair, and  practiced my skills. 

Survival involves physical safety, financial security, and emotional stability. Judy’s need for survival surpasses mine. She is our health watcher, organizing our annual exams. She logs the results of every blood test and examines the trends. In financial matters, she’s the one who watches the market and investigates options. We laugh together as she says, “I have a high need for safety,” while checking the doors and setting the alarm system at bedtime.

How can two people who are not at the same level of a particular need get along so well? Because I realize Judy’s a five on survival, I know when we’ve entered the house after taking a dip in the spa, she must be sure that the back patio door is secured. I step away and allow her to lock it herself. If I leave an open window, she says, “Just tell me that you’ve opened a window, and I’ll make sure it’s closed.” No drama; no making it personal. And no taking it personally.

Each partner’s behavior is about them and what they need, not about the other one. It’s essential to recognize this and not become offended or get angry at behavior that is an expression of the need. Then the couple is able to communicate, see the value in each other’s concerns, and carry on without blame or criticism.

Think about your close ones and their behaviors. Try to assess their need for survival on a scale of 1-5. Does one child save his money in a piggy bank while another spends all his or gives it away? Does a good friend choose to risk having health issues by ignoring her family history? What about a cousin who jogs and watches her diet? 

Where are you on survival? Understanding one’s own and each other’s needs, and behaving accordingly, is key in maintaining successful relationships.

~ xoA ~

Two Sides of Perfection

Perfection has a double imperative. We can strive to reach a goal or to make improvements: a recipe that we’ve developed, our health, our job skills, “a more perfect Union”. Or, we can choose to reject perfection, to be open to producing our best without limiting our focus or creativity.

Olympic athletes, with their eyes on the gold medal, practice diligently, relentlessly, to do a flawless dive, gymnastics routine, ski run, or start out of the blocks. In their minds’ eyes, athletes visualize the perfect paradigm. With work and determination, the athletes’ skills become more polished, heading toward perfection; expert judges spot it immediately. 

I like to see perfection in all things related to my medical care and financial services. Show me a perfect blood draw stick when it’s time for my lipid panel. Let my bank statements and my personal financial records be accurate to the penny. 

Often, reality falls short of our ideals. Look at the folks who spend their lives looking for the perfect mate, only to find disappointment as no one measures up to their vision. 

I’ve spent 40 years searching for the perfect Philly cheese steak sandwich. The one that tastes exactly like I remember from hurried lunch hours in Ann Arbor when I was a young traveling teacher. None has yet lived up to those that I ate and juggled while driving to my afternoon school. It’s a small disappointment but one consolation is that missing that sandwich has, no doubt, kept my cholesterol within a normal range and saved my arteries from clogging.

A few weeks ago at an Art for Healing writing session, which my friend and fellow writer Anke facilitated, I heard her say, “Deny perfection.” She was inviting us into the realm of enso poetry and continued, “Remain open to the journey.” 

"The Journey" (Taken at Yosemite)

Anke began to explain this Japanese form, but I was stuck on “deny perfection.” One glance at the faces in our circle of writers and the sounds of us shifting in our seats confirmed that I wasn’t the only apprehensive one. But with Anke’s guidance, we embraced the process. In her wisdom, our leader knew that surrendering the idea of perfection would invite images, words, thoughts, and feelings. She knew that pictures and poems would come forward because we’d opened the space for them.

"Openings" (Taken at Bryce Canyon)

 I think responding to both sides of perfection yields a balanced approach to life. Standards and ideals compel us to stretch and achieve. And, we need the freedom, happiness, and openness that letting go of perfection brings.  That way, we each maintain a balance, creating a life that is perfect for us. 

~ xoA ~